By: Alec Vandenberg
After moderate Republicans helped block the passage of the American Health Care Act, many clamored for their blood, claiming that they had “sold their souls to their constituents.”
Fuming special interests hastily searched for their representative’s contact info, swearing to vote them out of office next election cycle.
“This is a government of special interests, by special interests, and for special interests,” a distressed big pharma executive lamented. “This accountability will kill my bonus this year.”
“Today is a sad day for oligarchy I-I mean democracy” a visibly distressed Paul Ryan bumbled as he noticed the Monsanto representative shaking his head in the corner.
“Sad!” read the president’s twitter account. “Your fired all you unloyal swamp people. FIRED.
We are proud to announce that there are new openings in Congress. WERE BRINGING BACK JOBS. JOBS!”
Chris Christie meanwhile is still trying to find his soul after losing it at the George Washington Bridge.
Happy April Fool’s Day!